K and LB @ Slainte Pub in Baltimore

Me and K spent the past week in Baltimore and Florida and had a great time. We want to move to Baltimore, but we can’t. It sucks. We decided we wanted to move a few weeks before the economy crashed. Things looked pretty good for us then. Now we are stuck here for what could be a long time.

We both love Oakland and the Bay Area, but it is time to go. About 5 years ago, we visited Baltimore and came home thinking about moving there to help out K’s folks with stuff that they have a hard time doing, but that would be easy for us to do. They told us we shouldn’t move because of them, and we didn’t. In the 5 years since, we have accumulated many more reasons to move there and fewer reasons to stay.

I have 2 beautiful nieces now that I didn’t have then, Hannah (3) and Abilgail (10 months). I want to see them grow up. I want to know them. I would also like to see the rest of my family more often. Even though they are in Florida, I would still see them way more often than I do now. Florida is a long drive or short plane ride away from Baltimore. Even if I am having a hard time traveling, I could get there. When my grandma was sick and moved to Florida to be closer to family, I wanted to see her so bad. I wanted it worse than anything, but I couldn’t get there. Then she died. I missed my chance forever. If I had lived in Baltimore then, I could have gotten there, maybe even several times. I never want anything like that to happen again.

K has lots of great friends in Baltimore that she has known for many years. For some reason I find it really easy to be with them and always have a lot of fun when we visit. It is very rare that I am that comfortable around people, especially groups of people. I have a couple of friends there too, including Kim who I have known for 25 years and would love to live near again. I spend most of my time here alone. Mostly by choice, but it would be nice to know that other options are available once in a while. There are options here too, but I am never organized enough to make plans and can not predict when my brain will cooperate. I suppose that will be the same wherever I am. Too bad.

Many things have to happen before we can leave. K has to take the national social work test and find a job, we need to figure out what to do with our house especially if selling it is not a viable option, and we need to do it all in a way that we end up with enough money to move and not get totally screwed if our unsold house goes without tenants for a month or more. This would be a good time to win Lotto.

It is hard to be here now. My new medicine combo is making some things much better than before, like traveling, but other things are worse again. I am very tired. My head is louder. It is easier to get out of the house than before, but only when my head is quiet. Otherwise, it is harder. Not sure I will ever find the magic combo of drugs/doses/whatever. Glad to have ones that help as much as they do though. I hope we can get out of here before too long. I don’t know if things will be different there, but there is only one way to find out. It will be very sad to leave our house. We both love it a lot. Wish we could move it across country.