Locked in my room. Loud in my head. Friends outside. I hear them laughing but I can not join them. I tried. Very bad. So hard to separate their voices. K, Lorena, Tess. It is Tess’ birthday. Happy bday Tess.
Makes me tired. I can feel every speck of dust in the air. Hear it. Sometimes see it. Like a million tiny lightening bolts, each giving me a tiny little sting. Freak.
Why can’t I just have fun like normal people?
may your frogs take you by the hand and sing to you softly on their lily pads in the quiet, nighttime meadow, not a soul around, only clear stars in the sky. =)
just this morning i was saying pretty much the same thing to myself. neighbor in the other duplex with the power tools, slams against walls, my agitation escalating high, wishing to the gods that i were a “normal” person and this stuff didn’t send me into such a tailspin, and why do i have to notice absolutely *every*thing?!
i think we both have supersonic radar installed in our bodies/heads, we’re probably alien experiments, put here for a purpose. aliens are at monitors up in a celestial sky, in an asynchronous orbit, checking the data feeds, making notes. they’re happy aliens, and they have a reason, but of course it makes absolutely no sense to us.
I have moments like this. I call it ‘idal chatter’. I like my partner’s friends but they get like this and the music is loud. Now they don’t like me much. They think it’s because they are all women (lovely ones actually) but it’s the atmosphere. I get ‘idal stares’ from me, too. I get all antsy and shoot dirty looks. But I try to remember at any given time someone is looking just to be looking. I feel bad at these moment and try to help it, but can’t. =/