thought interrupted
split second -chop- to another
thought -chop- next </stop> come and gone
can’t even open a website what was i was going to do?

stuck can’t go out. have to go out. have to get out of here. can’t do anything here. typing. time goes by. can’t do anything. just type. have to get out of here. homework to do. can’t do it. at least final project is done. just a few more things to hand in and one peer review.

accidentally failed the database design class. thought the final assignment was due on sunday like in every other class, but it was due on thursday and grades were posted friday. confusing. but all the due dates were posted on the first page of the class at the top. green letters even. sux. i needed that class. have to take it again now. only half price. teacher said if i hand in assignment, i can still use it as a prerequisite for another class. maybe i’ll do that if it’s not too late. but i can’t even do it. it’s not even so hard. just can’t do it.

so hard to do things. stupid meds. fish oil didn’t do anything. went to see the doc a couple of days ago. increased dose of old meds. hopefully that will help but it takes a few weeks to start doing anything. no side effects yet except for being very tired. i hope it works. now it is 2/3 dose of old meds and 2/3 dose of new meds. can’t take full dose of new meds because it makes me stop breathing. old meds can have side effect of sudden fatal liver damage. wtf? supposedly it is less likely to happen if you are taking the drug for a long time. I have been taking it for a lot of years. i hope new dose works. things have been hard for so long. at least i can code.

lots of jobs lately. that is good. autiblogger is working well and new people are joining. that is nice to see. i feel much better now that it is on a good server. still have a few sites to move.

writing helps. could think for a few minutes there. harder now. i hope i can get out of here today. looks like rain. might have to go to the pharmacy to get meds for marley. why can’t i just go out. how can it be so hard to just concentrate on something long enough to be able to actually do it. i wonder why i can concentrate when i write, but i don’t think i am concentrating at all. just typing. if i had to say these same words, there is no way i could do it. if i had to type something specific, i couldn’t do that either. can’t read. maybe i will try to leave again when i am done typing. frustrating. very very frustrating. makes me growl. but i can’t even growl out loud right now. maybe later.

one more thing. a good thing. me and k went to shul on yom kippur. kol nidre service. temple sinai. it was really great, all of it. the sermon, the cello, the people. really nice people. met some jewish queers at a potluck a few nights before. everyone was so nice. very welcoming. but no pressure to join. we have been looking for a long time. this is the best place yet. we will go back again. another good thing is macworld. registered yesterday. user’s conference this year. no more things. i think i can go out now.