What happened to me :: Patrick’s story

by Patrick Ridge

My childhood, upon mature consideration, can best be described as catastrophic. I won’t go into the details, and I have heard of children less fortunate than myself, but catastrophic is an apt word taken all in all. The aspect which most stands out for me today is the way my experience was shaped by my borderline autistic condition, Aspergers Syndrome. I will refer to Aspergers as AS for the sake of brevity. For my purposes AS is best described by the phrase “standing behind the door when the instructions were passed out”. After some thirty years have gone by and I have developed some mental and emotional “tools” to compensate for my condition, I can specify a little better what the differences, the symptoms are that created this condition, but for a child of ages five through thirteen I was quite unclear on what was different about me. The effect was that everyone was behaving in a manner similar to each other, as though responding to cues that I was not receiving. Today I know that this is a form of brain damage, neural scarring that has eliminated certain parts of my perception enjoyed by most people. Those parts of my perception that are missing have to do with understanding social cues; the problem is thus reduced to its elemental form.

Read more »

Breathing, writing, and panicking in no particular order


long rambling and moderate panic to follow but i am okay now so please don’t call an ambulance 🙂 I will keep this whole post besides this disclaimer off the front page for that matter.

Read more »

Take meds or breathe?

Decisions, decisions. Where is the line between beneficial effects and intolerable side effects of medicine? I suppose it is different for everybody, but I am having a hard time placing it at the moment, or at least I was until I ended up in the emergency room on Tuesday.

Read more »


My current project, aspieland.com, is up for public testing. It will be a non-commercial site directory of sites by and for people on the autistic spectrum. The goal of this site is to focus on individual home pages and make it easier for us to find eachother on the web. Large community and resource sites …

Read more »

Railroad Museum Pix

Thanks to everyone who came out to the model railroad yesterday. I had fun and it was nice to meet those folks that I haven’t met before. I took some pictures on my phone, most of which needed to be photoshopped in some way or other, so please pardon the “art shots”! Click on the thumbnails to view larger images.

I never got around to resizing them to fit this site, so also please pardon the couple that are hiding behind the sidebar.

bridgepalace hotelstreet lights
power housetunnelvictorians

Scatchmonkey took some pictures with a real camera and put them up on his site too. Click here to see them. They are about 3/4 down the page.

Read more »

Meetup at Golden State Model Railroad Museum

It is official. Our first ‘Oakland Aspieland’ meetup will be on Sunday, December 4th at 1pm at the Golden State Model Railroad Museum. The trains will be running 🙂 Admission fees are: $3 for Adults $2 for Senior Citizens and Children under 12 $7 for Families If anybody needs or can give rides, let us …

Read more »


Me and K went to an aascend meeting on saturday before we left for morro bay. The topic of the meeting was disclosure. It is a topic I often wonder about. I have wondered about it since before I ever heard of asperger’s and was telling people that ‘my brain doesn’t work right’. I still tell them that sometimes. It is nice to finally have a word, but it hasn’t made it any easier to tell people like I thought it would.

Read more »


Donna Williams and some other like-minded folks have started a new website called Auties.org. “Auties.org is a website to promote the entrepreneurial (self employment) skills of people diagnosed on the Autistic Spectrum world-wide and to provide links to Autie-Friendly businesses of various kinds.” I particularly liked the ‘What is an Autism Spectrum Condition?’ explanation page. …

Read more »


I went to another autastics meeting yesterday in daly city. I liked it even better than the first one. It was a little easier to talk this time. Like last time, everybody was very nice. It still blows me away that there are so many people that are SO MUCH like me. For so long I thought there were none and that i was the biggest freak in the whole world. Suddenly, I am an aspie, crazily similar in so many ways to other aspie/autistic people, yet at the same time, we are as different from each other as all people are from each other.

The thing about the autastics meetings, is that there is a whole bunch of autistic people trying (and succeeding) to socialize and communicate. It is very different from socializing with other people. Of course, this whole story is a giant generalization, which I am sure isn’t true of all autistic people, but it is what I think based on the few meetings i’ve been to and other folks that I’ve met in the past 6 months. If you are one of the people I am generalizing about, and I have this all wrong, please let me know!

Read more »

Asperger’s and Autism FAQs

ScratchMonkey recommended a link to some of the most easy to understand FAQs about asperger’s and autism that I have seen yet. It is on the GRASP site. Link: http://grasp.org/faq.htm

Sweet Tea

by marleykito This is a poem from an “NT” to her Aspie partner a sweet face masks the pain i can see visibly, viscerally synapses fire and you tire easily if i could climb inside i’d rewire cuz i’m good at the simple ones that don’t require PHP or mambotigercss here you lie with your …

Read more »

Review: The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time is a book about a 15 year old autistic boy named Christopher. He is a genius at math, but he has trouble with social skills and fitting into the world. The book was written by Mark Haddon, a non-autistic man who used to work with autistic …

Read more »

Autism Awareness

It’s occurring to me that it’s not so random that I stumbled onto that article a couple of months ago and found out I have asperger’s syndrome (a kind of autism). Turns out there’s a lot of people, most either autistic themselves, or who have an autistic child, that have been working very hard for …

Read more »

haiku haiku

it means to repeat something

why am i writing?
sudden interest in haiku
what’s going on here?

my head is too full
i need to let some words out
to make room for more

it clutters my mind
this thing that is the screaming
i am tired of it

in a flash i am
no longer me, but aspie
confused; there’s no cure

i can’t remember
what i was doing just now
my mind is broken

i don’t want to test
i want to learn karate
without any stress

i know this is gay
but it’s a fun way to say
what gets in the way

thinking in numbers
it’s fun counting syllables
words are what comes out

this story is done
coming out of my fingers
it’s an accident

repeat echolalia

April is Autism Awareness Month

Who knew? The things you learn when you suddenly find out you’re autistic! It’s been about a month now, and I’ve been on a wild rollercoaster ride trying to process all that I’ve learned and experienced since then. It is amazing to suddenly have access to so many resources to get information, not to mention …

Read more »

A post about me…

I think this may be the first ‘post about me’ that I’ve made here on LBnuke, or anywhere else for that matter. I post about things I do, places I go, things I find, things that are interesting to me, but never anything that is ‘about me’.

Read more »

A few links

I’ve been meaning to post this link to bugmenot, a page that allows people to bypass compulsory web registration for sites like nytimes.com. Is it legal? I don’t know. But it’s pretty handy. I also came across this link to a very interesting article on developing sites for users with cognitive disabilities and learning difficulties. …

Read more »