LoriB.me

Rambling On…

Strattera — 12/28/2006

Strattera

First, for the mac people…. Try this: hit ctrl-opt-cmd-8 on your keyboard. It is my new favorite mac thing.

Medi-cal approved my new meds! Very exciting. I’ve been taking them for about a week now. Hopefully they will work. I always have so much hope. Strattera is the new drug and it is usually prescribed for ADHD. Apparently, it sometimes works for autistic people too. I sure hope so. So far, I only feel side effects. They are not so bad as usual, but still pretty strange.

I have been very tired and falling asleep at random times, which is not something I usually do. Also, a little dizzy and nauseous, but not as bad as I usually get from switching drugs. The strange part is that everything seems kind of surreal. I have been more spaced out than usual and feeling very ‘out of body’, even when I am doing things that are completely in my body, like walking or driving. It is a strange drug induced haze that I don’t really like, and can’t really get out of. I am hoping it will go away when the meds start to kick in and am avoiding increasing the dose until it isn’t so bad anymore. I am still taking my ‘old old’ meds along with the Strattera. If things go well, I may be able to stop taking them at some point. That would be nice.

Sometimes I am so tired of living in this test tube and having no idea what life will be like from day to day. It is really hard to make plans for anything. I want to go to Florida/Baltimore in April. Soon it will be time to get tickets but I have no idea if I will be able to travel. My 40th birthday is a month from today and I have no idea what I want to do. I like birthdays and am especially excited about this one. It seems like an accomplishment, even though it is really just another day. When I was younger, I never thought I would make it to 40. I don’t even think I wanted to make it to 40. As it turns out, I am glad to still be here.
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December — 12/13/2006

December

Red Wave
I dropped my classes. i am very sad about that, but relieved too. It was too much. So much work and trying to deal with meds (or lack of them). I just couldn’t keep up. It is very similar to what has always happened when I’ve tried to do school, but with one major difference. Since we actually learned by doing things, I still know everything I learned and can use it for my work.
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Seattle — 12/05/2006

Seattle

I am in Seattle now, in the atrium of our hotel. K has a social work conference here that started yesterday and ends today.

atrium

“The Atrium”

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Work, Weariness, and Warcrack — 11/27/2006

Work, Weariness, and Warcrack

Work has been very busy lately. I have one very big job, and possibly several other smaller jobs coming up. I am hoping to be able to partner with d. We will try a test run with one of the smaller jobs. We have almost completely opposite skills and completely opposite ways of working. I think that is a good thing. She is very organized about the initial process of signing up a client, including managing expectations, writing contracts, and charging realistic prices based on actual time worked, rather than pulling some random number out of the air like I tend to do. She is also skilled at graphic design and has experience making web sites. If I had my way, I would stick to the (x)html/css and back end coding for the site and do technical support for the client after the site is complete. I would leave the business stuff, front end design, and client management to someone else. Could be a match made in heaven if we can somehow merge our oppositeness into a working business.

It is getting harder to keep up with school. The ‘side-effect’ of feeling better lately is that I have lost the super-focus that I was having when I was undermedicated. I have also been very twitchy and shaky which is quite annoying. It is a strange balance. It is still hard for me to get out, but not as hard as before. The main difference is that I am not completely exhausted like before. I can do a wider range of things, but am back to having a one second attention span. Going to see the doc on wednesday, but not sure if I am ready to continue experimenting with new meds and/or doses and timing of meds.

I am tired of waiting and waiting to find the right combination of drugs and going through long periods of terrible side-effects until the next drug or dose kicks in. I will probably keep experimenting, but am thinking of taking a break for a while and going back to figuring out ways to make myself feel better even when things aren’t so good. It has been very hard to do that while continuously messing with my meds, and I am hoping that taking a break will help, at least in the way of keeping things stable for a while. One of my best skills is adapting to life under less than ideal circumstances. It is impossible to adapt to something that keeps changing.
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Pictures: Fall 2006 featuring Nikkyo —

Pictures: Fall 2006 featuring Nikkyo

K put some new pictures up on our site… Fall 2006 featuring Nikkyo. Cat pix, fall holidays, and some random people shots.

mmm.... apple.

Nikkyo and Jack

rock on — 11/20/2006

rock on

body rocking
head nodding
legs shaking
hands twitching

it is electrical
it is all i can do

taking k to see tenacious d tonight 🙂
maybe that will help

WordPress Love — 11/06/2006

WordPress Love

I love WordPress. My first thought about making new websites for clients, friends, or myself is “How can I do this with WordPress?”. In most cases, there is a way. I have used more open source php/mysql content management systems over the years than I can count, and at this point WordPress is my favorite by far.

The code is clean. That is the thing I love best. The file structure makes sense. It is usually pretty easy to completely customize a site design by altering only the theme files. In most other systems that I have used, hacking the core files is part of customizing the design, and updating the core files can be a nightmare. I do end up hacking WordPress plugin and widget files from time to time, but that usually has more to do with function than design.

A basic install of WordPress is small and fast. I like that. The plugin system is excellent and the developer community is incredible! It is nice to be able to customize site features as needed, rather than having to install a gigantic supersystem every time that overwhelms clients and has a negative impact on site performance.

My favorite WordPress plugins and widgets:
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White and Nerdy — 10/23/2006

White and Nerdy

This video is from Weird Al Yankovic’s new album Straight Outta Lynwood. It is a parody of Chamillionaire’s “Ridin Dirty“, and it is very hilarious. Thanks to Lord Matt for the tip 🙂

Confusion, Rambling, and AASCEND — 10/21/2006

Confusion, Rambling, and AASCEND

I am so confused. About everything. One minute I think the meds are starting to finally kick in, and the next that I will have to stop taking them because the only effects are bad ones. I suppose it is a good sign that I occasionally think they are working. It has been a very long time since that thought even entered my mind.

Today, me and K went to the AASCEND‘s 6th Annual Conference On Autism and Asperger Syndrome. For the most part, I am glad we went. It is always good to be around other autistic people. It reminds me that I am not alone. I still need to be reminded.
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If life was like Unix… — 10/13/2006

If life was like Unix…

Apologies to the non-computer-geeks…

sudo sandwich

What?
Sudo (superuser do) is a utility for Unix- and Linux-based systems that provides an efficient way to give specific users permission to use specific system commands at the root (most powerful) level of the system.

comic by xkcd